Facebook: Into the Mouth of Social Media Madness (HUMOR)


F*ck You, Facebook!

Well, that felt good to get off my chest. Sorry, sometimes people and ideals get under my skin. Sometimes, it turns me into an annoying barking dog. Just don’t catch me on a full moon. Because, I shape shift into a poodle and bitch about the government.


 “Today, people get so lost in the image of their selfies that they forget to step back and look at the bigger picture.”

           — Wise Ancient Zen Monk Master


  1. Inspirational posters which inspire no one except maybe hatred for our fellow man.
  2. The same 5000 quotes from the same 5 people.
  3. Invitations to annoying games by people you never met.
  4. Being ignored by friends online.
  5. That moment when you gone on Facebook and the person you were looking for quickly leaves. 🙁
  6. Using Facebook while black out drunk can have dire consequences.
  7. It has enough baby pictures and kitten memes to fill the library of congress.
  8. The righteous Facebook users who never go on during the weekend.
  9. The fact that its replaced the human dynamic of voice wth OMG! WTF! lololol u go grl! 😉
  10. Forgetting and or accidentally posting and or sending sexually explicit material to your parents or close relatives. They all ready know you’re a dick. They just don’t want it f*ckin’ their faces all over the Internet like some b.y.o.b. Mexican gay bar. If you wanted to do that, jump on chat roulette.



Now, I am just as guilty as millions of others who left myspace.com and joined facebook.com.  However, I begin to regret that decision everyday. Also, I can’t believe it’s been over a decade since the first social network Facebook was launched. Oh, wait that was MySpace. Or was it Friendster? Heck, I didn’t even know about is until I StumbleUpon’ed it. Hey, that’s a Google+ 1 point for me.


I’ve been a facebook user for over a decade now and I think to myself? WHY??????!??!?!???!?!?!?!? I begin to hate the site more and more. It has some perks like its ability to become a digital black book and digital family index rolled up into one neat little digital package. You know, poke your best friends wife and your wifes hot sister. Yeah, you see where I’m going with this. Another great thing is adding all your friends ex girlfiriends, sisters, mom, virtually all the living woman on his Facebook page onto your Facebook page. Basically, become him minus the incest. Yeah, people love that!  Plus, keep in touch with old friends or have them ignore you. Sure, some of the games are fun. The in depth profile is always nice to have. It has its strong points I guess.


I hate the new online marketing matrix’s selling their crap to me. Here’s a poem that describes my distaste.

The Businessman is Watching (POETIC SATIRE)

Roses are red
Violets are blue
big businessman
is watching you

so, careful what you say
or, you’ll find advertisements
for something gay
flooding your Facebook page.

Speaking of which,
I made an innocent pedophile joke
and now I got Belial* Mart
sending e. mails with coupons
for boys pants half off!

  • Belial can also be replaced with baal or bal but can NEVER be replaced with

balls. No exceptions ever!!!

Of course, this next part gets quite ugly. I mean dig your eyeballs out, seek treatment ugly. So, please enjoy!



Everyone now days is paranoid of internet stalkers. This strange guy befriended me on Facebook which I accepted his invitation voluntarily. Now he keeps staring at my public profile. Then, he thumbs up all my posts! Crazy guy even tried to communicate via instant message and chat but I  hid in the closest with my gun in one hand and my bible in the other. I even vomited a little in my mouth.

Really? At least when their icon shows up you know exactly where they are, at home safe on the computer awing at the newest cat memes on their Facebook feeds. No, what you should worry about is when their icon disappears. Where did they go? Are they asleep? Are they in the bushes taking photos of me behind my computer drinking coffee? How did they know I sit and drink coffee at the same time?

Personally, I like an occasional stalker; their obsessive delusions reminds me of how unforgettable I am. It’s an ego booster! No, you shouldn’t worry until they message with, “I’m coming over to kill you bitch” and their little icon switches to mobile. Followed by a new post with a message reading, “Well, I’ll miss you all but I’m probably going to be going away for a while. Have a good day”.

Five minutes later two of his buddies thumbs up the post. Another comments back, “where you at?’ Another thirty seconds roll by and the stalker texts back with, “I’m on my way to kill this bitch”. Somehow, this starts a conversation that goes on for awhile.



Besides, sending cheap ass invitations for your fancy dinner parties. Facebook is also a great place to mess with the heads of your close friends, beloved family members and cherished colleges. My best, worst advice for Facebook ever. Write something crazy and than totally forget about it. Here’s a perfect one if you want the people closest to you scared and probably confused. But, most definitely scared.

One day, write on facebook.

I am the Walrus and the Son of Sam. I am the Walrus and the Son of Sam. I am the Walrus and the Son of Sam.

If you’re a woman, say this instead.

I am the Mother of Invention and the Queen of the Damned. I am the Mother of Invention and the Queen of the Damned.

Repeat these words until your mind begins to almost accept them as reality. I call this The Cliff of Madness. Don’t fall over, just kind of balance their for a few days and observe what happens.

Oh, you’ll get a lot of awkward silence wherever you go. But, people will tip toe around what they say when you’re around.  And, if that don’t work. Next time your at the office or at the dinner table. Makes sure to whisper.

I am the walking dead and the evil within. I am the walking dead and the evil within.

That’ll throw ’em off for a few days. They’ll start asking you questions like have you seen the missing cats in the neighborhood or have you ever had the unwilling urge to kill! If they do, “tell them that Jordie says you’re next”. If they ask who’s Jordie, “tell them he’s an imaginary friend who writes to me on my computer”.

Then, show them a message with a blank screen and point while saying, ” can’t you see it? The letter is right there. Should, I read it to you?’ I you would like, see how far you can go with this joke. Just make sure to put this post on your browser in case things go to far. You could cause some serious damage with this joke. Make this a cautionary tale.



7 Books for Every Samurai!

These seven books don’t dance around like some poorly choreographed Kung Fu fantasy. They go straight for the jugular.

Perfect for warriors and career professional alike. Lean to become a legendary badass in no time at all!

The Art of War.

A book about military management and strategy. The Art of War is easily applied to the business world.

The Prince. 

The book on how to become feared and hated through ruthless tyranny. It sounds better on paper. And yes the Prince has a bad reputation. But its popularity has stood the test of time. A must-read on the subject of Power politics. 

The Book of Five Rings

 Written by a legendary undefeated samurai badass and Zen monk master. Musashi teaches his secrets to inner peace and wisdom through the deadly precision of Japanese weaponry.

Civil Disobedience.

This is the ultimate essay on why government is stupid and why Thoreau didn’t have to listen to them.

How to Win Friends and Influence People.

This is the perfect read for anyone who just finished reading The Prince, burned a whole village to the ground and now wants to send flowers as an apology- or wish them a Merry Christmas.

Think and Grow Rich. 

The DIY guide on how to train your mind to achieve your true genius. And also how to become stupid stinking rich.

The War of Art. 

This book teaches you the tools necessary to sneak up ninja style behind those little voices in your head that hold you back and take them out! Perfect reading for artists, entrepreneurs and of course- NINJAS!

Jordan Peele talks about Winning Best Original Screenplay.

I was listening to Jordan Peele’s Oscar speech for Best Orginal Screenplay. He wrote the popular 2017 Horror film Get Out.

The thing that struck it home for was when he mentioned putting the screenplay down twenty times but always knowing in his heart that if he could find the right people willing to make this film, then it will be a success.

Do You Have any Great Original Screenplay Ideas?

Do you have any stories of your own that keep drawing you back in? What are they? Please send a brief description of your story in the comments below. Here one of my own stories.

The Hunter and the Hunted: In 1988, a group of friends mysteriously die in the Alaskan Wilderness. Thirty years later an ambitious young Journalist and the only living investigator assigned to the case revisit the crime scene for answers. And what they find is sometimes the truth comes easy, but surviving it can be difficult.

Chicken on a Stick

maxresdefault (1)The bacon bellied boy with the thick bowl cut hair sat quietly as the bald haired man bickered to the paper thin brunette behind the steering wheel.

“You’re mother is a pain in my ass” says the bald headed man.

His voice carries a deep sense of anger and pain as the tension inside the 88 Buick began to boil up towards a simmer.

“At least I know my mother” says the paper thin brunette.

The tension thickens as the boy’s heart begins to race. The blood pumps heavy through his veins. The stress so thick it suffocates him. He thinks of something to say. Something! Anything!

He opens his mouth.

“Ain’t that a Chicken on a Stick” says the boy.

The bald man and the paper thin brunette’s scrunched up faces loosen up as they look at the boy and then at each other. They burst into laughter as the balloon of tension deflates before it pops. They remain silent with smiles the rest of the way home.

“Do you remember saying that” asks the Bald man. His face his leathery with little grey and white stubbles.

The Millenial in his mid-Tween’s smiles.

“I didn’t know what to say to cut the tension and so I thought of the first thing that came to mind”.

The bald man smiles back.

“And it worked”.

And so I think this is the way I approach writing. I unconsciously make every story and joke look and sound stupid on the surface but make their function deep and memorable. And, if possible, look and feel sexy while doing it.

Our Minds are Gardens, Wisdom

Our minds are gardens where every word, thought, feeling and idea is a seed. Often, we don’t recognize that this is the reality. Those little seeds planted by ourselves and others until they begin to blossom.

This is very dangerous, a tiny seed can grow into a huge problem. A tiny seed can deeply root itself in the nutrients of the sub consciousness; slowly choking out all the flowers and sturdy trees of our consciousness.

As a gardener, you are negligent on your duties if you allow this to happen; because,  to let the flowers of life to blossom and the trees of knowledge ripen. We must pull the weeds out by their roots ourselves.

20 Hacks to Help Improve your Mental Health

  • Quit taking life so serious and remind yourself to laugh. Watch your favorite stand up comedians, movies, books, whatever. Find that funny place. It lowers stress rates and us reminds how ridiculous this all truly is. [1]
  • Remind yourself that everyone is unique; but we’re all created from the same place, the universal mind, so quit thinking you’re so special. Find the people you connect with and become part of something bigger than yourself.
  • Quit wasting precious creative energy. Quit trying too fix the world. Fix yourself. Find a medium of creative expression; and recreate yourself. [2]
  • Know yourself. Quit projecting your insecurities onto others. Know we are limitless & boundless. Society places those restrictions on us because it scares the hell out of the system. Flush all that out of your system. Find what needs to be rewritten. Take criticism seriously. Knowing your limits is the first step towards breaking free of them. [3]
  • Stop taking things personal. This is hard when we deal with the grand pecking order of a daily basis. Laugh it off. Take this social bullying as a life challenge. Us that disgust in your favor. Put a positive spin on that forces you too start making making the changes towards your desired goals. [4]
  • Humans are creatures of habit. It takes ten thousand hours before something becomes natural. So practice good habits because over time, the bad habits become harder too detect.
  • Read a book, watch a documentary, listen too a pod cast. Keep your mind sharp. Quit filling your soul with ear candy and junk food T.V. Truth is organic, it is the holistic
  • Keep your eyes open for new information, keep your ears open for the latest ideas; because, you never know where you’ll get that next important bit of information. [5]
  • Ideas are tools. Learning to use them will only benefit you. Ideas are free. If you dig hard enough on the net, you’ll find the highest quality ideas to add too your tool box.
  • Instead of trying to categorize things in life, learn to build connections between them.
  • When taking on a major task for the first time, take it step by step. Learn to be refrained, hold back, keep your phallic guitar god skills in your pants and learn too the basics step by step.
  • Don’t ever tell yourself, I can’t do something or that it’s impossible. You’re planting those thoughts in your head; that’ll only bring those thoughts too fruition later on. Weed out all the resistance and nurture only what’s going to bear you a bountiful harvest. [6]
  • Every night, think about what you did well that day and also what needs improvement. [7]
  •  Learn to love yourself unconditionally. This doesn’t mean making out with the mirror while you embrace yourself in wild passion. That’ll only put you one step closer too jumping in the lake too save your own reflection. Simply- do what is best for yourself.
  • Remain content with life because it decreases the chances of seduction or manipulation. So, try not too lock others out by being insecure. [8]
  • Radiate with love especially unconditional love. Burn brighter than all the stars in the galaxy with complete sincerity, passion and remorse instead of festering guilt, regret, hate or fear. You know, find your bliss. [9]
  •  Stay away from negative influences especially addiction to hard drugs such as Liquor, Opiates and Cocaine because of the people and situations these subcultures produce.
  • People, the way they project themselves and the activities they partake in effects the environment. In order to survive, humans adapt mentally to their surroundings at an exceptional rate. So, remain aware of people and their surroundings at all times.
  • Learn too find balance within yourself, with nature, the universe and with the world around you.
  • Become a great person by helping first yourself; and then by teaching others what has worked for you. [10]

Key Sources

[1] Ideas taken from Mel Helitzer’s Comedy Writing Secrets Second Edition that claims that humor Psychologically is often the effect of one group of people expressing a sense of superiority over others often higher on the pecking order. The Philosopher Alan Watts discusses in a lecture about how the historical Fool was one who saw the System as a game Modern examples include most Stand Up Comedians with strong Emphasis on George Carlin, Bill Hicks and Joe Rogan.

[2] Ideas taken from “The Mystery of Sex” a chapter from Napoleon Hills book Think and Grow Rich. The concept of the Universal mind also comes up in Think and Grow Rich, most religions, mystery school religions, Theoretical Physics, etc.

[3] Most of the concepts here can be found in The Essential Kabbalah, Translated by Daniel C. Matt.

[4] A major lesson taken out of Dale Carnegie’s book How to Stop Worrying and Start Living.

[5] Idea taken from writer and Salesman Tom Hopkins

[6] This is a less aggressive approach too the ideas taken from the book The War of Art by Steven Pressfield.

[7] Concept of daily self reflection taken from The Golden Verses of Pythagoras with the Commentary of Hierocles.

[8] A major point examined in Robert Greene’s book The Art of Seduction.

[9] Lesson taken from Joseph Campbell’s Documentary film: The Power of Myth.

[10] The concept of being a Great Person comes from Thomas Cleary’s Translation of The Taoist I Ching with Commentary by Confucius.

5 Reasons Why Creativity is Beneficial in the Work Place

Five Reasons Creativity is Beneficial for the workplacebox, business, celebrate

This doesn’t mean standing around goofing off while on the clock. We can all work and share a joke or a story at the same time. We can all manage to take a free online course at a time and receive a free certificate of completion displayable on our LinkedIn accounts. We can all manage a little more audiobooks and a little less television. But why? What good does creativity benefit the average individual? Well… Here are 5 good reasons why creativity is beneficial in the workplace.

1. Keeps the daily grind feeling fresh and new. This boosts energy and increases productivity. It also makes the day go by faster.

2. This little bit of freedom and playfulness helps to loosen the tension. This means more time spent focusing on the task at hand.

3. It helps to keep your mind sharp and alert. This helps with problem-solving and details. 

4. It changes the way you perceive the world, opening you up to new perspectives. This creates human empathy which helps build bridges over social and cultural barriers.

5. Allows us to express ourselves. And by letting ourselves be more vulnerable, we can begin to connect with ourselves, our co-workers and the Customer on a more genuine level.

Joke of the Day, Issues Wrapped in Tissues

I used to be The Turd in the Punch Bowl type. I was spiteful, mean, vindictive. I still am; but only in shorter variables.

I was a social media vampire. I would do anything to suck the life energy out of everything and everyone until my victims spiraled down into a state of utter misery. It helped get me through the day.

I had so many issues. I rewrapped them as Christmas presents: “guess what Billy? I’ve got terminal cancer. Happy Birthday Billy! You get to celebrate life while I try to escape death. How does that make you feel, Billy? Are you going to celebrate my death day? Happy Death Day Billy! Now have your cake and eat it too you little bastard!”


10 Hacks to Enlighten Our Day to Day Lives

CAUTION: These are the tools found in the hands of some of Histories most profound minds and are among the teachings behind our greatest religions. They have the ability to lead to a “Religious Experience” and may cause life-changing shifts of consciousness. Use at your own discretion.

  1. Sovereignty: The divine right of the natural law states that we have the power to change ourselves, our lives and the world around us.  Thomas Jefferson’s motto was “Rebellion from Tyrants is Obedience too God”.
  2. Self Reflection: The key principle behind The Golden Verses of Pythagoras, this principle applies that by evaluating our actions and behaviours on a daily bases, we can focus on which ones need correcting.
  3. Self Discipline: One must take bad habits and correct them in order to obtain a greater understanding of themselves. The I Ching calls this “a good person”.
  4. Know Thyself: At the Heart of the Egyptian Mysterious was this question, “Man Know Thyself?” The idea that by learning the mystery of the soul, we can better understand not just ourselves but the world around us and apply what we’ve learned about ourselves to enrich our lives on every level.
  5. Eliminate Desire: Like Self Reflection, except the internal problem isn’t a correctable habit but something you want and cant have or something you have no control over. The idea is to find that desire, learn too let it go and move on with your life. It’s one of the key principles of the Buddha.
  6. Clear Mindedness: The principle that a clear mind free from day to day distractions will help the individual become more focused and in tune with nature and in harmony with their role in the world. This is the function of mediation.
  7. Find Your Bliss: This is the same as follow your path or calling in life. Confucius once said, “A man has a hobby to ease his mind after a day of work, but a man who dedicates his life to his hobby never works a day in his life”.
  8. Seek Truth: Seek out the best knowledge and seek out the highest wisdom. The fundamental principle of Zoroastrianism it took to seek out the purest truths of life.
  9. Give Back. Generosity is a powerful tool that was the backbone of early Christianity and other groups such as some Gnostic Sects.  It feels good helping out our fellow man. The I Ching says ” a good person works on himself, but a great person is a good person who can put aside his growth to help and teach others”.
  10. Transcendence: The belief that by overcoming the material world for the world of the inner light, one can rise too higher levels of spiritual enlightenment.